Tuesday, March 22, 2005

This blog has been rolling around in my head for a few days now. I almost didn't write it, but then remembered the whole reason for having this blog. I started this as a kind of journal for myself and my boys, so that many years from now they could see what the dailiness of our lives was about. So, having said that, I will write what is on my mind and heart. It's my blog and I'll write if I want to, write if I want to, wriiiiite if I want to - you would write too if it .....oops! Got carried away there. Great. Now "It's My Party" will be stuck in my head all day. See? This blog will probably even save my boys thousands in therapy when they're trying to discover where the lunacy factor came from!

Anyway, what I was getting at was that self-reflection is never easy. Actually, it's downright painful sometimes. I had an "ouch" moment a couple of days ago. I was thinking about some of my neighbors and started thinking "They should be doing this, or that", (insert whatever it was I thought they should be doing at that particular time - it varied depending on the day!) or, "Why do they think they have so much? They're up to their ears in debt!" Or, "Don't they know how ignorant they really are?". Now, it has to be said that this wasn't about any one person in particular - it was several people. Over the course of several minutes I had managed to basically shred lots of acquaintances and, in my mind, bring them down to size. Shortly afterwards, while basking in my moment of righteousness, it hit me. I'm not talking about a twinge to my conscience, or even a nudge. No, Imean that it HIT me. Like a 2 x 4. Suddenly in stark and painful clarity I saw myself as being the only common denominator in all of the negative thoughts I had been thinking about people. It occurred to me like a flash that it is only me that is bothered by their actions. They are not thinking twice about it. They do not care what I think, nor should they. Furthermore, my high-and-mighty thoughts made me worse than they were. What gave me the right to judge other people? It occurred to me that while I waste time stewing about other people's actions, they on the other hand are giving me no thought at all, and moving on with their lives, just as I should be. After contemplating this for a while, I thanked the Lord for knocking me down a few notches. Painful, yes - but absolutely necessary.

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