Monday, July 18, 2005

This is going to be a short post. I am exhausted and am only writing because I have some things to get off my mind. Thursday night Dad found Maggie unconscious and she was brought to the hospital unresponsive. They determined that she was brain dead. She and Dad had already talked about this before, so Dad knew her wishes, which were not to be on life support. Dad prayed for a miracle as did everyone else, but I guess God's will was for this situation to be just as it was. Yesterday at noon Dad had her support taken off. It is now 4:30 PM the next day and Maggie is still with us. It is so difficult and I am really struggling with some things. I have been at the hospital the last couple of days and when Sherri and I went in to see her yesterday evening, when we would talk to her we noticed that her respiratory rate and blood pressure would rise. We decided not to say anything about it, as Dad has been on enough of a rollercoaster ride as it is. But when we were back out in the waiting room, two of Maggie's friends who had been back to see her for a long time said how they noticed that when they talked to her that her blood pressure and respiratory rate rose! They had asked the doctor about it and were told that there was some response probably because the voices were familiar but nothing that could be cognitively processed and that the brain wasn't actually comprehending anything. I am having a hard time with this. Well, I talked to her as if she could hear me anyway, because who can know for sure? It is very difficult because for someone who had asthma and who had a very serious lung infection a year ago, she sure is holding her own. Dad had such hope at first and his hopes were bolstered by some encouraging information the first day, but then the doctors dashed that and said that there was no chance of recovery. I think this was worse than if it had been that way from the start when she was brought in. Anyway, now that Dad has accepted this as best as he can right now, it is heartbreaking to see him holding her hands and telling her that it's okay to let go now. I am getting teary AGAIN writing this. I didn't think I had any more tears left after the past couple of days, but I was wrong. This morning Jerry's brother called to let him know that a neighbor of Jerry's mom died in his sleep last night. These are folks that Jerry grew up with and they have been a big part of Jerry's life. I didn't think Jerry had any more tears left, either, but I was wrong about that too. So now there will be a funeral for Mr. Crandell on Thursday, and Maggie's possibly Friday. It's been a long week already, and it's only Monday. I will keep on praying for peace for everyone, because I do have faith, and I know that what He is allowing to happen is all for a reason, even though we don't understand that right now, but He promises us that "All things work together for good for those who believe in Me". Amen to that. Did I say this was going to be a short post?!

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